Give Me a Reason Ch 3
by NettieC
Summary: This is a series of song inspired One Shots. Give Me a Reason is Ch 3. Olivia has given up on what she thought was possible with Elliot and resigned herself to the loneliness of her life. Will Elliot give her a reason to hope?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me...no matter how nicely I ask**

**This ff was inspired by John Farnham's song Eternally...the plan is to do a few oneshots inspired by his songs so if that happens I'll put them into the one book.**

If I could ask you things unspoken  
Give to you all my honesty  
If I could show you any token  
Of the love welling up in me  
I'd let you see what you mean to me

If you could hear me, I'd sing love songs  
As you drift gently into sleep  
If you could see me, I'd blow you kisses  
Let them cross the ocean blue and deep

I wish you could see, what you mean to me  
Eternally

When I had the chance to share with you my days  
All those precious tender moments  
Well I let them slip away

If I could touch you for a lifetime  
You would know that I would love you true  
Eternally, eternally, eternally

If I had one wish that could be answered  
I'd undo all that I have done  
I know I took it all for granted  
Thought I'd have you for all my days to come

Here with me eternally, eternally

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------**

It was cold and late on a November night, though his body failed to register the frigid temperature and his brain lost the ability to compute time. There was only one thing Elliot was able to focus on and that was the limp body of his partner in his arms. Dragging her closer to him, he increased pressure on the stomach wound inflicted on her only minutes before by the perp they had been chasing. The perp who was now running free somewhere but who was definitely living on borrowed time.

Olivia groaned slightly as he moved her to him but failed to wake up. Elliot freed a hand and called for a bus, regardless of how calm he had intended to be as soon as the dispatcher replied his call became a desperate plea for assistance. Once assured help was on its way, he dropped the radio into the snow and wrapped his arm around her once more.

Bending his head down he rested his forehead on hers, willing her with every ounce of himself to be alright. He prayed hard, pleaded with God to be merciful and to give him one more chance, one more day, an hour, a minute. Prayed that his years of yearning for her, only to push her away when he had the chance, was not going to be his greatest regret.

As her breathing became raspy he blew gently into her face, willing her to use his breath as hers. He pressed his chest to hers hoping his heart could beat for her. If he could he'd give then to her; his lungs, his heart, his body for without her he knew they was worthless to him.

Heavy, salty tears splashed onto Olivia's face, and Elliot gently wiped his tears from her ashen cheeks. Without conscious thought he brushed his lips against hers in an unspoken declaration of love. He had known for an eternity she was his soul mate, known he loved her and was in love with her, had known he would give his life for her anytime, anywhere. And as the snow fell gently on them he was trying to make her realise it before it was too late.

The wailing of the approaching sirens caused his heart to beat rapidly.

"Hold on, Liv," he whispered into her ear as the paramedics pulled up in front of them. "Hold on for me, baby."

Their stillness was disrupted by the frantic actions of the paramedics as they assessed Olivia and loaded her into the ambulance. Elliot held her hand the entire time, truly believing if he let go he would lose her and be damned for all eternity. The ride to the hospital passed in a blur of lights and colours, sounds being heard by his ears but not being processed at all. Through his brain went his new mantra of 'hold on, baby, hold on, baby' playing on high speed.

Before he realised what was happening the doors of the vehicle opened and a group of people clad in white took over the gurney and wheeled her into the building. All the way he held on, the nurse asked him to let go but he wouldn't, the doctor told him to let go but he couldn't – he wasn't physically able to unclasp his hand, his fingers seemingly laced permanently with hers. Elliot tried to be as unobtrusive as possible as the staff scurried to assess her. The heart monitor was attached and Elliot sighed in relief as a strong heartbeat sounded through the room.

Twenty minutes later she was on her way to the OR, a place Elliot would definitely not be allowed to go. By the time they were ready for her Don had arrived and gently pried his detective's fingers from his partner's hand.

"Let her go, Elliot," he soothed. "She's in good hands now."

Unable to hold her anymore he let go, watching as they wheeled her away into surgery. Tears welled in his eyes at the pure sense of emptiness which consumed him. The emptiness which would be his life if she did not make it.

He felt a hand at his elbow guiding him to the chairs, he felt a gentle push lowering him to a seat, all the while his eyes stayed fastened on the door.

"The doctor says she'll be alright, El," Don said quietly but Elliot didn't hear it, his ears ringing once again with the gunshots which started all of this. Nausea overwhelmed him and he slumped forward in the hard chair, resting his head in his hands somewhere near his knees. He felt a hand patting his back and knew his boss was saying something but it was lost to him in the fog of his brain. Then there was nothing except blackness, no light, no sound, no feeling just an all consuming blackness.

When Elliot's eyes finally opened he saw the unmistakable white tiles of a hospital ceiling. Becoming aware of sounds near him he struggled to turn his head, finding it took too much energy he groaned and decided against it. The short sound emanating from him was enough to attract attention from those making the sounds. He could feel a gentle patting on his face and a familiar voice speaking to him. He opened his eyes once again and found Olivia's face inches from his.

"You're awake – finally," she whispered, running her hand across his forehead, before letting it rest on his pillow, her fingers still in his hair.

"Liv, are you okay?" he replied, trying to clear the fog in his head.

"Yeah, doc says I'll be as good as new in a couple of weeks. Says I owe it all to you," she said, using her other hand to squeeze his.

"Tell me," he said with a quick shake of his head. "Why are you out of bed given you just had surgery and why am I in bed?"

"El, I had surgery two days ago and I am okay to be out of bed. You had surgery too but being male, you're just a bit slower getting up," she grinned, squeezing his hand again.

Elliot tried to sit up but was restricted by the pain in his chest and her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't El," she whispered, tears filling her eyes at the pain she saw in his. "You got shot too!"

"No, I didn't…" he began before reaching up to feel the bandages on his chest.

"You did…you either didn't realise it or you just ignored it because once I was in surgery you passed out. When Don pulled open your coat there was blood everywhere, at first he thought it was mine but then he realised you'd been hit in the chest, just below your right shoulder," Olivia explained, her eyes never leaving his.

"But I didn't feel it," he mumbled in disbelief, how could he have been shot and not known it?

"Doctor says you were more concerned about me than anything else, that's probably why," she said quietly.

Elliot stopped for a moment to contemplate the twist in events. Had he been so focused on Olivia he didn't register his own injury? Could you focus on something so intently it blocked out everything else? He closed his eyes tightly trying to make sense of everything. He shook his head, trying to make the swirl of emotions abate.

"Hold on for me, baby." He heard her whisper before her lips touched his.

His eyes shot open and focused on her, astounded at her choice of words.

"What El?" she whispered.

"Those were the exact words I said to you before the paramedics arrived," he replied and she grinned widely.

"I know, I heard you." She kissed his forehead again, before sighing deeply, exhausted by the interaction.

"You should go back to bed, Livvy," Elliot said, bringing her hand to his lips

"I'd rather stay with you for just a bit," she replied, edging herself into his bed. "Only if you want me too."

Elliot sighed deeply, 'just a bit' was too short a time to have her with him but then again so was eternity. As he felt her hand move across his stomach, anchoring herself to him he whispered a prayer of thanks, he had been given his chance to do the right thing, to have more time with her, to talk to her. His lips pressed gently on her head as he sighed deeply. Before he could make any declaration she was asleep but he raised his eyes upwards to God. She was alive, he was alive, they had been given a second chance and for that he would forever be eternally thankful.


	2. Burn For You

Disclaimer: neither the characters nor the lyrics are mine but I promise I'll put them back when I have finished playing.

Inspired by Burn for You as performed by John Farnham. Check it out on You Tube.

This book is a series of ONE SHOTS!!

**Burn for you**

Phil Buckle, John Farnham, and Ross Fraser

I got myself into some trouble tonight  
Guess I'm just feeling blue  
It's been so long since I've seen your face  
This distance between me and you

That voice you showed me is not the one I know  
I must be strung out on what I do  
Don't hang up again  
There's nothing else I know how to do

But I burn for you  
What am I going to do  
I burn for you  
Burn for you

I guess it feels like you're always alone  
And I feel that way too  
It's so hard to explain to you  
Please understand what I do

But I burn for you  
What am I going to do  
I burn for you  
Burn for you

Took my trouble to a bar tonight  
For another point of view  
But there's nothing new  
I'm missing you

But I burn for you  
What am I going to do  
I burn for you  
Burn for you

/../../../../ Burn for You /../../../../

It had been another desperately long and torturous case and Elliot felt every year of his age as he slunk into his chair and flicked his computer on. He glanced wearily at his watch as he waited for the painfully slow IBM to load, another sign of the lack of police resources he faced in his daily battle. It was already midnight … once again he hadn't made it home to see his family.

Picking up the silver framed photo of his wife and children he traced his finger over the faces smiling up at him. He lifted his finger and kissed it before gently placing it on his wife's lips, wishing desperately she was there in front of him or better yet he was home with her. But this was his job…the only thing he knew how to do.

He picked up the phone and dialled his home number and waited for her to answer … he just needed to hear her voice …then everything would be alright … then he could cope with the next two hours of paperwork and not feel like a total failure as a father and husband.

"Stabler Residence," she croaked.

"Hello beautiful," he said, his body aching at the thought of her sleeping alone yet again. "I'm sorry to wake you."

"Hey, you! … still stuck at work?" she asked.

'Yeah …another few hours," he yawned.

"Baby, you're so tired … we haven't seen you in days," she said.

"You know how it is … Cragen is riding us … we need to get this bastard," Elliot grumbled.

"I know you do, El. I'd just like your kids to see you once in a while," she said and yawned again.

"Go back to sleep, baby. I'll be home as soon as I can."

He hung up and looked across at his partner, she smiled wearily at him. The endless days and non-existent nights had taken its toll on her too.

"How are they?" she said, nodding to the photograph.

"Missing me..." he smiled guiltily.

"Why don't you go home? I can get this done," she offered.

"Nah, thanks anyway … we're in this together. Besides I don't want to give Don another reason to chew me out." He stretched his fingers and began tapping at the keyboard … the sooner it was done the sooner he could be home.

../..

Ten minutes before he anticipated finishing Don called them in … another lead … another call and another night he wasn't going make it home at all. Out across town and back to the precinct after the sun was already up … with another lead that went no where, Elliot felt more dejected than ever.

His phone rang the minute he sat back at his desk.

"Stabler, SVU" he grumbled.

"Stabler, wife," she grumbled back. "I was expecting you to come home hours ago."

He bristled; her was voice colder than he had heard it in a long time. "I'm sorry, baby, we got a lead and …"

"And what? Did you get your guy? Is this over?" she asked.

"Nah, another dead end." His head fell back onto his chair and he closed his eyes. "I'm really sorry but I've gotta get him, baby … got to get justice for Charlie…"

"I know this is what you do, babe … I understand…" she said, empathy in her voice.

Elliot sighed deeply; he wanted nothing more than to be home with his family. "I miss you so very much, baby … I love you."

"I love you too, El," she replied. "When you've got time, you know where to find me."

../..

It was nearly midnight again before Elliot dragged his weary body into his house and slowly trudged his way up the stairs and to their bedroom. He smiled when he saw his two youngest children asleep with their mother, his daughter draped over his wife while his son was like a starfish spread over his side of the bed. He carefully scooped up his son and held the boy to him as he eased into the bed and tried to get as close to his wife as possible. He kissed his son and daughter's heads and began leaning in to the woman he loved more than life itself. Before he could make contact her eyes fluttered open and she smiled at him.

"Hello stranger," she whispered, untangling her hand from the bedclothes and finding his face.

"Hello yourself," he replied, his lips brushing against hers, before releasing a huge sigh.

"I've missed you," she whispered, her hand caressing his cheek.

"Missed you so much," he replied, he kissed her again and edged minutely closer.

She sighed and ran her fingers through his hair before pulling his head back to her. "Get your man?" she asked.

"Yeah, got him," he smiled. "Full confession and all."

"Well done, baby," she said kissing him. "Does this mean we'll see a bit more of you?"

"Um …yeah …" he paused trying to find the right words out.

"What is it?" she asked, breaking into his thoughts.

"I…um… I could have been home a couple of hours ago but I went to the bar with Fin," he said quietly.

"Celebrating?"

"Um … no … he said he had to talk some sense into me," Elliot said sheepishly.

"Why?"

Before he could respond their daughter stirred and looked at her father.

"Daddy?" she whispered.

"Hey baby girl," he replied.

"Missed you, daddy," she yawned.

"Missed you too, baby," he answered kissing her forehead. She edged her way off her mother and to her father, slowly easing her brother over and clinging onto his neck; she had always been her daddy's girl. For the next few minutes Elliot held his youngest children closely, his eyes shut tightly trying to replace all the dark, traumatic images from his most recent case with images of his darlings.

Soon he opened his eyes and looked over at his wife, surprised to see her sitting up, watching him and the two children with tears streaming down her face.

"Hey, what's wrong, baby?" he asked, reaching out and taking her hand.

"Nothing," she whispered, reaching down to kiss him and their children. "Absolutely nothing. I've got it all now." She kissed him again. "Do you know how much I love you, Elliot?"

He nodded. "Do you know how much I love you, baby?"

She smiled; she did know … she had always known. "Do you know how much I want you right now, El?"

He nodded again. "Do you know how much I burn for you?"

../..

Gently easing the two children onto the bed, Elliot climbed out and went around to his wife. He tugged her arm so she moved to sit in front of him, her feet softly rubbing against his legs.

"Fin and I weren't celebrating … he was telling me a few home truths …" he began, holding her hands but she interrupted.

"About?"

"About the fact I was an idiot for being in the bar with him instead of being here with you…"

"Well, I'm with him on that one…"

"And the fact I was a lucky bastard that you were so understanding and gave me a second chance…"

"I'm liking Fin more and more…"

"And the fact I'd be a complete idiot for letting the job come between us again…" He sighed, remembering their painful separation two years ago.

"El, I know this job is you…"

"This job is the problem – you know it's an all or nothing thing … I can't do it half assed…"

"I know that, baby…"

"I don't want it to be who I am … I don't want to be Detective Stabler – Absent Father and Husband. You and the kids are my life… I don't think I ever tell you enough … I don't want to miss another dinner or school concert or _bedtime_ …"

"El, we'll always be here…"

"And I want to be here too." He drew a deep breathe and felt his wife's arms wrap around his waist.

"So I left the bar and …"

"Came home?"

"Um … no, went back to the precinct and put in the paperwork for my retirement."

She pulled back and stared at him. "You retired?"

"Well, I have my twenty years up and …"

"You don't need to justify it, baby."

"Are you okay with it?"

"Definitely. Are you?"

"Yeah … never felt as relieved as when I left the papers on Cragen's desk and walked out." He kissed her head. "You don't mind being married to a retired old man?"

"Nope…so long as you're my retired old man I have no problems at all."

"And you have no problem with me being around the house?"

"Nope … lots of jobs to be done here."

"And you have no problems with me being under your feet?"

"Nope … gives me plenty of time to be under you."

His lips crashed onto hers while his hands tangled through her hair, deepening the kiss to impossible levels.

"You got any questions?" he finally said pulling away breathless.

"You have no problem with doing some handyman stuff here?"

"Nope…just give me a list."

"And you haven't retired from making me very happy every day?"

"Definitely not," he grinned.

"And you're not too old to be a daddy?"

He looked over at their sleeping children. "Nope."

"What about for this one?" she asked, taking his hand and resting it on her abdomen.

His eyes watered instantly. "When? How?" he whispered.

"I found out two weeks ago…"

"Two weeks?"

"Yeah …"

"And you didn't tell me?"

"When did we have the time to have such a conversation, baby?"

"Oh god, another baby."

"You are happy, aren't you?"

"Absolutely … might have to get another job though." His grin widened.

"You don't have to get one immediately … I have lots planned for you … to make up for lost time."

"And what would those plans be, Mrs Stabler?" he asked as he pulled her up into an embrace.

She brushed her lips against his before leading him out to the spare bedroom.

"Guess?" She winked as she opened the door and led him in.

Before he had the chance to speak her lips were on his, her hand tugging at his beater to remove it.

"I love you, Mr Elliot Stabler … husband and father," she said, kissing his now bare chest.

"I love you, Mrs Olivia Stabler … love of my life," he replied laying her on the bed. He now knew he would never have to sit at his desk in the middle of the night and burn for his wife, she would be next to him, with him, loving him … what more could he need?


	3. Give Me a Reason

Inspired by Give me a reason

**Disclaimer: Neither the characters or the song are mine but imagine what I could do if they were.**

**This is the 3rd one shot in this series, please check them all out if you haven't already.**

Give me a reason

by John Farnham

Some people are dreamers, they live for the future  
As if it would work out, just as they dreamed it  
Would work out - somehow  
Others get caught in yesterday's papers  
Too busy reading, to get on with living  
But I - live for now  
Sometimes it's easy to make up excuses  
On the flimsiest pretext and then call them reasons  
But where are they now?  
Like I'm way too busy, I can't be involved now  
And then there's the standby about understanding  
But they're - wrong somehow  
I'll climb more than a mountain  
Swim more than an ocean  
Build up an island  
Live for a lifetime

Just give me a reason and I'll come running  
When I have reasons, I know the way  
I'm pointing my feet in the right direction  
Give me a reason

Some people are dreamers, they live for the future  
As if it would work out, just as they dreamed it  
Would work out - somehow  
I'll climb more than a mountain  
Swim more than an ocean  
Build up an island  
Live for a lifetime  
Just give me a reason and I'll come running  
When I have reasons, I know the way  
I'm pointing my feet in the right direction  
Give me a reason

--Give Me a Reason--

Caught between the legacy of her parentage and the dream of what one day may or may not be, Olivia was trapped in the present and it wasn't the place she wanted to be. Swamped with endless cases whose sole purpose seemed to remind her of the evil in the world she felt like she was drowning.

On the few occasions she had summoned the courage to reach out and connect to someone she had been thwarted and each dashed opportunity imprinted the same message on her psyche – that being, she was truly alone … there was nothing and nobody in this life for her. She was born without love and she would die the same way.

Each morning when she awoke, the toll of being Olivia Benson was extracted, she'd look in the mirror and, as the days and years added their stresses to her face and body, she'd begin to wonder why she was alone. What was is about her that destined her to a life which was empty and lonely? How was it that everyone else in a city of millions seemed to have a significant other and she was waking up alone, yet again?

Not wanting to spend another moment contemplating the nothingness of her life, Olivia dressed and headed to work. One look at the board told her it was going to be another long day, and night, because in the city that never sleeps, neither did evil.

"What have we got?" asked Elliot, taking off his jacket and scanning the board.

"More crap," Olivia muttered, fed up with all the debased, deranged deviates who confronted her on a daily basis.

"Huh?" Elliot studied his partner as she studied the file in front of her. "Liv?"

"What?" she replied sharply.

"You okay?" he asked, sitting down opposite her.

"Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?" she retorted, really not in the mood for anyone, least of all her partner.

"You don't seem yourself," he commented cautiously.

"And who do I seem like?" she questioned, glaring at him.

"I don't know," he answered, going for the safe option.

Slowly Olivia pressed both palms onto her desk and forced her body upright, her eyes never moving from his.

"You don't know?" she growled. "Well, when you do work it out, Detective, let me know." With that she stormed off and headed up to the cribs.

In stunned silence Elliot watched her leave.

"What was that about?" asked Fin, following Elliot's gaze to the stairwell.

"No idea," he replied.

"You going to go find out?" he asked.

"Not until she's calmed down or I find a cup," he answered, picking up his mug.

"Where's Olivia?" Don asked, scanning the bullpen as he came from his office.

"Bathroom," lied Elliot.

"Okay," he said, "tell her to see me when she gets back."

"Everything alright, Don?" Elliot asked, noting his boss' worried expression.

"Um, probably," he answered slowly. "Just get her to come in."

"You gonna get her now?" asked Fin when Don was back in his office. "Or do you want me to go?" he offered when Elliot didn't move.

"No, I'll go," he said, standing. His partner's moods we're nothing new in recent times and while in the past he knew the difference between PMS and her just being plain pissed, often at him, this was different.

He rapped a couple of times on the crib door, even though it was a public domain for all officers.

"Liv?" he called quietly, as he opened the door and saw her sitting with her back to him. She didn't answer. He moved closer to her. "Olivia?"

"What?" she replied, though it wasn't as clipped as it was earlier.

"Cragen wants to see you," he answered.

"Why?" she questioned.

"He didn't say … just wants you in his office," Elliot explained. He watched from behind as her hand came up and quickly brushed over her face.

"Terrific," she muttered as he stood and turned, the tracks of her tears clearly evident.

"Hey," he said, moving to block her path. "What's wrong, Liv?" he asked gently. It had been so long since he'd seen her cry.

"Don't pretend you care," she said, more sadly than anything else, as she side stepped him and went to see Don.

For the life of him Elliot could not figure out the cause of the animosity she seemed to have towards him. There was nothing he had done of late to warrant it and, in any case, she was usually more than vocal about him and his behaviour when he had done something to upset her. By the time he reached the bullpen Olivia was in with Don and the door was shut. A couple of times he heard raised voices but couldn't quite work out the content of the conversation. Then he heard a door slam. Looking up he realised it was the one leading into the corridor and not back into the bullpen.

Jumping up he intended to go after her but was stopped by Don's voice.

"Elliot, in here," he ordered. Reluctantly, Elliot turned and followed his boss into the office.

"What's happening between you and Benson?" he asked abruptly.

"Nothing, why? What did she say?" Elliot answered.

"Nothing," Don replied. "But she's seriously upset about something and I believe it relates to you."

"Honestly, Don, I can't think of anything I've done to her to cause this," Elliot said. "There's been no argument, no difference of opinion …nothing. Maybe it's all the long hours of late but … I don't know. What did she say exactly?"

"That she wanted out," Don replied, and watched as Elliot's jaw dropped.

"Out of what?" he choked, true they had difficulties getting along every now and then but he couldn't imagine what he'd do if she left him … again.

"She wasn't specific … I asked her if she wanted out of your partnership, the squad, the department, the city and she shrugged at each one of them. When I pressed her for an answer she sighed and said 'Nothing …everything – I want out of everything'. When I said I didn't like the sound of that and that I thought she should talk to Huang, she stormed out."

"Shit!" muttered Elliot, getting to his feet. "Where did she go?"

"No idea."

It took Elliot four hours and thirty seven minutes to find her and it was in the last place he had expected her to be … sitting cross legged on the ground next to her mother's grave. It was only by chance he stopped at the cemetery; due to road works he had been forced to detour past the front gates. For ten minutes he stood by an old elm tree, its canopy shading the final resting place of many. Silently he watched her as she sat without moving the entire time. It was cold out and when it began to rain she didn't move. Even through his overcoat Elliot shivered, he then realised she was wearing nothing over her blue blouse which was now soaked through. He took off his jacket and went to her.

"Liv, you're freezing," he said, wrapping her in his coat. She didn't acknowledge him. "Olivia, stand up," he said firmly, pulling her up without consent. She looked at him and for the first time allowed him to see the pain and anguish she had tried so hard to hide in recent times. "Talk to me," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her, trying to heat her icy skin and bring colour back to her face.

"You're the last person I want to talk to," she said softly, before trying to pull away, an effort which was in vain.

"Then let me find someone you will talk to… Casey? Melinda? Fin? Anybody?" he said desperately. She shook her head.

"Not worth it," she muttered and rested her forehead on his chest, a move which surprised him.

Pulling her tightly to him, he shuddered as a breeze picked up chilling his body through his soaked clothes. "Olivia, we need to get out of this weather … your place is closer." When she didn't object, he began walking them towards the car. She turned for one last look at her mother's grave.

"I think I want to be buried with her," she whispered, not wanting to spend eternity alone. Her words and mournful tone sent Elliot's brain into overdrive.

/././

Forty minutes later both were showered and dressed in sweats, Elliot grateful for the sports bag with his gear he had thrown into the trunk that morning. When he emerged from the bathroom Olivia was curled up in the armchair, her eyes closed, endless sleepless nights taking their toll. Elliot fought his impulse which was to grab her and hold her until she told him what was happening or was at least comforted but he didn't. After eight years as her partner he was well used to controlling all impulses when it came to responding to her, physically.

Sitting down on the sofa he watched her for awhile until he realised she wasn't asleep.

"Want some coffee? Tea?" he asked her, getting back to his feet. She shook her head and he headed off to her kitchen, making himself at home as he opened the cupboards to search for the items he needed.

"I'm out of coffee," she said from the doorway surprising him.

"Oh, it explains why I can't find it then," he grinned.

"And I'm out of milk," she added.

"Good thing there's no coffee then," he replied, trying to ease the tension.

"Haven't had a chance to get to the store lately," she said, leaning on the door jamb.

"I can relate to that," he said, returning the mugs to the cupboard. "My shelves are looking a bit bare too." He studied her for a moment. "How about I go to the coffee shop down the block and get some lunch?" She shook her head.

Elliot looked at the dark circles on Olivia's face; they were enhanced by the pallor of her skin. It was apparent she hadn't been sleeping of late, and if her cupboards were anything to go by she wasn't eating either.

"I'm okay, Elliot," she said, watching his eyes dart over her face. "You go back to the precinct and I'll ring Don."

"You're kidding, right?" he asked incredulously. After the events of the morning there was no way he was going anywhere until he knew exactly what was going on.

"No, I'm not," she replied, turning and heading back to the armchair. "You don't need to be here."

"I don't need to be anywhere else but here," he corrected, knowing it would test her patience.

"I don't need a babysitter," she said sharply, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"How about a friend?" he asked gently, sitting down on the sofa.

"Do you know where I can find one?" she asked, staring at him.

He shifted uncomfortably. "I'm your friend, Olivia," he said. She smiled wryly; of all the terms she had called him lately, friend wasn't one of them.

"I don't think so," she sighed.

Silence ensued. An uncomfortable silence.

"Why aren't I your friend?" he asked, visions of grade school coming back to him.

"You really have to ask?" she responded shaking her head.

"Yeah, I do … I've wracked my brain and for the life of me can't think of anything I've done to you that …" he began but she interrupted.

"That's right," she interjected. "You haven't done anything to me…" Her steady voice trailed.

"I don't get it," he replied. "Did I do something or not?" Normally by now he'd be yelling in frustration but her whole demeanour worried him and he wasn't about to upset her further.

Olivia's shrug did nothing to enhance the conversation or to explain the situation.

"Olivia," he began, his eyes staying fixed on the coffee table. "Until about a month ago we were getting along well, weren't we?" His eyes glance to her and she nodded. "In fact," he continued, "I thought we were getting along better than we had in a long time." He smiled at her, remembering the newfound closeness of their relationship only five or six short weeks ago; the dinners, the DVDs, the nights at the bar … all friendly and casual. That was before the deluge of cases hit them and neither of them had a change to breathe let alone socialise.

Elliot sighed, he hadn't been as happy as he was in those days, weeks, with Olivia. Divorced, he was finally in a position to act on his long standing feelings for his partner … and had planned to do it when work slowed down. Only when work did slow down this was the Olivia he had to contend with.

"So," he started, moving to sit on the coffee table in front of her. "I need you to tell me what changed or what I've done … because, Liv, I honestly don't know."

"You remember the night at Ridgeway's with the guys, just before we got swamped?" she asked, he nodded smiling at the memory of just how close they had gotten that night. "I thought you were going to kiss me," she continued. "And I wanted you to …"

"I wanted to, too," he admitted.

"And I thought I had a chance of getting something I finally wanted out of life … a chance of … I don't know … happiness," she admitted, her eyes never meeting his.

"So did I," he agreed softly.

"And in a life of … darkness … it had been a brief bright light," she said, talking more to herself then him. Silence fell once more.

"Liv, what did I do wrong?" he finally asked.

Olivia's eyes slowly moved up and locked onto his; her pain strong enough to sting his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me Kathy was pregnant?" she asked slowly.

"Who told you?" he countered, his eyes widening.

"It doesn't matter," she replied. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't important," he replied and she closed her eyes, shaking her head.

"It was to me," she said softly.

"It wasn't to me," he said, reaching out and taking her hand. "I'm not the father, Olivia, if that's what you've been thinking."

He watched as her eyes opened and locked onto his. "It's not my baby," he reiterated.

She shook her head confused and thought back to the moment she found out and all her hopes and dreams for a future with him shattered.

"_Hello Olivia," Kathy called, startling her as she picked up a tube of toothpaste from the shelf._

"_Hi Kathy," she replied, turning to face her partner's ex-wife. "How are you?" _

"_Really good," Kathy answered, a huge smile spreading over her face. Olivia cringed inwardly, she never really liked the woman and really wasn't in the mood for small talk._

"_Great," Olivia said, moving along the aisle. Kathy stayed put. "So, what's new with you?"_

"_You don't know?" Kathy asked wide-eyed. "I thought El would have told you."_

"_Told me what?" she asked, an uneasy feeling creeping in at Kathy's enthusiasm and friendliness._

"_I'm pregnant!" she gushed. "Three months along."_

"_Pregnant?" Olivia gulped._

"_Yes and we're so happy and excited," Kathy continued. "I was sure Elliot would have told you."_

"_Um, no, he didn't," she said, her stomach churning at the thought the man she wanted desperately to kiss a week ago had gotten his ex-wife pregnant, again. "Look, sorry to cut this short, but I have to go." Olivia wanted to get out of the drug store before the tears stinging her eyes made an appearance._

"_Okay," said Kathy. "Great to see you, Liv. We must catch up soon."_

"_Sure," Olivia replied, dropping the toothpaste back onto the shelf, not wanting to spend another second in the store. "Bye." _

"Why not? How come?" she questioned trying to get things clear in her head.

"There are a many explanations as to why I couldn't have gotten her pregnant again," he said.

"Just give me _a_ reason?" she asked, as his thumbs began swirling over the backs of her hands.

"Because I don't love her," he answered.

Olivia scoffed, "We all know love doesn't equal sex and pregnancy." She went to pull her hands away.

"Well, what about the reason that I love you? Is that a good enough reason why I wouldn't be sleeping with Kathy or anyone else?" he asked, pulling her hands back to his chest.

Olivia sat stunned, he loved her … he … loved … her. That wasn't possible. This was not how her life went. She didn't get what she wanted… she didn't even get what she needed. Yet, here was Elliot Stabler, the man she wanted and needed more than anything telling her he loved her.

"Is me loving you enough…" he asked, breaking her from her thoughts… "of a reason?" She nodded. "Good, because I do love you, Olivia." Tenderly, he kissed her hand which was still clasped in his. Slowly he reached in, his lips brushing her cheek before finding her lips for a slow, sweet exchange. When he pulled back his gaze locked onto Olivia's eyes, the pain from earlier was still there but significantly diminished. He reached in and kissed her again, vowing to himself that he would do all that he could to erase her pain completely, knowing he had a huge job ahead of him with the life she had endured thus far. But as his lips met hers again and again, he knew this was his life's purpose.

Olivia's mind spun with the turn of events, here was her partner soothing her with his words and his kisses. True, she had wanted this for a long time but she given up hope it would have ever happen. She had resigned herself to a life of loneliness. But as his tongue slipped through her lips to caress her mouth she had a moment of clarity; this was her life had led her too, this moment … this exchange. Everything seemed to make sense to her and although she knew it wasn't a magical cure it gave her comfort to know she was no longer alone… he'd given her the best reason.

**_The End_**

**_If you don't know John Farnham, check him out on Youtube - he has the most amazing voice._**


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